5 software steps to the dating game

A couple very much in loveI’ve never used a dating site or a “perfect match” piece of software but I wouldn’t be averse to giving it a go. In theory it sounds like you can cut out a lot of hassle – just match a few essentials on a database and Bob’s your uncle – you’ve got a ready made wife.

Of course, in reality it’s not as simple as that. There are many things that can go wrong. People often, let’s say, “stretch the truth” when it comes to filling in dating forms, their photos have been doctored in Photoshop or they simply don’t live up to your expectations. Then you’ve got people that take advantage of the system completely and treat it as some kind of slightly more sophisticated meat market. So bearing in mind that I ain’t much of a Casanova, here’s my 5 step plan to getting back in the dating game if you’ve been on the shelf a while:

1. Get in touch with your inner self – Before you take the plunge into dating sites, you might like to prepare with Natural Biorhythms. This software helps you discover your natural strengths and weaknesses and also your ideal biological match.

2. Prepare yourself with some smooth lyrics – Ladies like to feel wooed with complements and such but flattery will only get you so far. There comes a point when you have to step-up a gear and tell her things that make her heart flutter. What better then than Love Quotes to sweep her off her feet.

3. Use a love calculator – Download A-Toolbar which, amongst 50 useful tools such as an RSS Reader, Currency Converter and Horoscope, also features a Love Calculator. Simply enter the name of the person you desire, plus your own, and the calculator will work-out whether the relationship has a future.

4. Join a dating site – There are literally hundreds to choose from and which one you do depends on where you live. One of the best starting points is Datingsites.org which profiles the most popular sites on the net. One of the sites is Great Expectations which is the agency that Borat used while looking for a wife “with plough experience” in America.

5. Start your own dating agency – If all of the above has failed, start your own dating agency with Dating Pro – that way you can cherry pick the best candidates and “sort the wheat from the chaff” at source rather than risk any disappointment or rejection.

Remember however that dating via agencies can be a very risky game to play as David Brent discovered while waiting for the woman of his dreams in The Office:

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